??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
