You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
