I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
