i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
