Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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