I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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