I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
