Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
