Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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