So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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