wrigley field is MILF paradise
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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