Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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