As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
