omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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