i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
