i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
