No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
