i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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