Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
