remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I will die if light touches me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the day after is always just damage control
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
