i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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