i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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