That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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