Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
