pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
