I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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