I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
