brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
