Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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