cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So much rum. So many feels.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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