2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
