You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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