Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
