How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
