All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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