But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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