Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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