i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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