What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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