you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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