textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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