My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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