...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
