so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
