weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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