I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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