I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
