I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
