so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
