Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
