my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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