I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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