im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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