I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
