We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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