I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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