Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
