I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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