My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
