You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
