Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
