i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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