I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
