this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
