I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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