people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
