I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
