Kiss
Puke
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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