New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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