i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
