then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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