1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
