also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
