Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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