He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
