y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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