I haven't been this sober since birth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
