Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
