theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
