You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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