When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
