...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
