Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
