I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
